Panic Button Maintenance: Scheduled Outages

Scheduled Outages: Because Who Needs Functionality Anyway?

Our engineers have decided to take a well-deserved break from fixing things. As a result, the following features are currently DOWN.

• The coffee machine will be turned off at 3:00 AM every night for "maintenance".
• The "Report an Issue" button will be temporarily unavailable due to a "software update" that will probably never arrive.
• The fire alarm will only go off during scheduled fire drills, but only if you wear a specific type of hat.
• The "Panic Button" itself will be replaced with a "Panic Button 2.0" that only works on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Stay safe, and remember: if all else fails, there's always the Emergency Override for critical situations.

Or, you know, just Ignore The Problems and hope for the best.

Disclaimer: The above information is completely and utterly fictional, but maybe not entirely. Maybe.

Hyperlinks are for entertainment purposes only and not actually linked.

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